7 least anticipated films of 09

Since I did my 7 most anticipated films I’ll do the 7 films that I am not so excited for. These films will be bad unless they somehow are good. Now there are probably going to be films that come along and I know are bad just by watching the trailer but these are the ones I know about right now.

7. G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra: From past experiences live action versions of cartoons have been horrible. I don’t think this would be an exception.

6. 2012: Disaster movies usually are bad and seeing that the people who made this film have been making films that got bad reviews I don’t think this will be any better.

5. The Pink Panther 2: The first Pink Panther was just okay. Didn’t completely suck like everybody said it did. But as you know sequels usually aren’t as good as the original and the trailer for the sequel made it look like a completely stupid film. (Note: I couldn’t find the poster for this which is ironic because the film comes out in two months)

4. Ice Age 3: The first Ice Age is one of my favorite computer generated films but the sequel sucks. The third Ice Age would have been good if they just didn’t keep the lame characters from the second installment but they did, at least the parts with the squirrel and still entertaining.

3. Inkheart: I didn’t like the book, enough said. (Note: Can't find poster so used cover of the book)

2. New Moon: The first Twilight wasn’t that good of a film just like the book it was based on. The 2nd installment in the twilight series was just an okay book so I think it will just make a just okay movie. Also I’m mad that this movie is made because it is one step closer to the adaptation of Breaking Dawn the worst book ever made. (Note: There isn’t a poster for this so instead I have the cover of the book)

1. Monsters vs. Aliens: This just looks stupid. I know it’s a parody but it still looks like a bad film. There were no funny parts in the commercial and the plot is crap. The only way I’m seeing this film is if it got just great reviews.

7 most anticipated films of 09

The years is almost at the end and we have to look back at all the films we saw this year but I’m not doing my best and worst films of 08 lists until new years. Instead I’ll look into the future and see what films that I think will be good. Now these films might end up sucking and be big disappointments but for now these films seem like they’re going to be great.



7. Fanboys: I really don’t know much about this movie other than the plot. It’s about a couple of Star Wars fans who has a friend whose dying. To respect the friend they’re going to steal a copy of Star Wars episode 1 to show to him. Now we all know that this is going to end with a punch line of them getting pissed off because the movie sucks. Now the storyline doesn’t cry out comedy but it might make for a great dark comedy.

6. X-men Origins: Wolverine: I think this will be great because Wolverine is one of my favorite super heroes. I put it low on the list because the trailer wasn’t very assuring and the fact that they are giving a spin-off to someone that was pretty much the main character to begin with is a bit stupid. But I’m still optimistic that this movie will rock.

5. Transformers 2: The original Transformers was great and I just hope that the sequel will be great also. It is low on the list because sequels usually aren’t as good as the original but if they do it right then Transformers 2 will be another great action film.

4. Them: I don’t know anything about the storyline but I know that it is written and directed by the same guy who did Hot Fuzz my favorite movie of 2007 so I’m definitely going to see it. (Note: Can't find poster for this)

3. Pixar’s Up: Pixar has supplied up with a good line of classics that are both sentimental and funny. But lately with Ratatouille and Wall-E they’ve made movies that were just sentimental. Give us funny again Pixar. The trailer for Pixar’s newest movie “Up” looks very funny. It’s about a grumpy old man who coverts his house into an air balloon to go on an adventure. The only way this movie will be sentimental is if the old man is dying and if that’s the case then I’m going to be mad. Hopefully “Up” will make up for the unfunny films Pixar has been supplying us lately.

2. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Harry Potter series is one of my favorite children’s book series and the Half Blood Prince is one of the best. The only reason that it isn’t #1 is that the last Harry Potter film (Order of the Phoenix) was a piece of crap. I’m also mad that they kept the director of the last film. But with the delay they have more time to make a good film. Let’s hope that the Half Blood Prince makes up for the Order of the Phoenix.

1. The Watchmen: I’m not a comic book fan but both trailers for the Watchmen were both chilling and cool. The story is very interesting and the visuals look stunning. Also with it having the same director as 300 I know that this will be awesome. I’ll probably find myself seeing this film when it comes out.

Tales of Despereaux Review

A few years ago I’ve read a book about a mouse that falls in love with a princess. A few days ago I saw the movie adaptation of this book. Tales of Despereaux was a good film yet had it share of problems. So this review will have some nitpicking involved.

The movie starts with a rat named Roscuro (voiced by Dustin Hoffman) who just arrived on a ship to a land that loves soup. They arrive during the huge soup festival where a new soup is announced. During this festival Roscuro is sniffing the new soup that smells delicious soup and accidentally falls into the Queen’s soup. The queen seeing the rat has a heart attack. The king immediately sends the guards after the rat. The funny thing is that the guards are trying to hard to kill a rat. Good thing it wasn’t a fly or else they will have to call the military. After the queen’s death the king bans soup and rats from the kingdom.

Meanwhile a mouse named Despereaux (Voiced by Matthew Broderick) is born. Despereaux is a weird mouse seeing that he isn’t a complete coward unlike the rest of the mice in the town of Mouse World. Seeing that Despereaux isn’t a coward his parents send him to spend time with his brother eating books. Despereaux instead of eating the book reads it instead. The book is about knights, princesses and castles. Then Despereaux hears some crying coming from Princess Pea (Voiced by Emma Watson A.K.A. the girl who plays Hermione Granger). The Princess is crying because apparently banning soup and rats causes a famine. He talks to the princess and falls in love with her.

When Despereaux gets home he tells his brother about it and his parents find out. Because it is against the law for a mouse to talk to a human he is banished and is forced down the drain to rat world (very creative name guys). At rat world Despereaux is captured by the rats where they put him in an arena where they have a hungry cat. Despereaux is saved by Roscuro when Roscuro says that he wants to have him to himself. Despereaux and Roscuro form a friendship.

Roscuro plans to go on a quest to apologize to the princess. When Roscuro goes to apologize to the princess but the princess screams and has the guard goes after the rat (the guards must feel silly never having to fight real enemies). Roscuro after escaping now has vengeance in his heart and gets the help of a maid named Miggery Sow. Miggery is a former farm girl who really wants to be a princess and hates the real princess for not being grateful.
Roscuro then takes the princess to Rat World. Meanwhile the head chef gets tired of not making soup and decides to make soup even though he might get imprisoned or executed. Apparently soup is the cure to environmental problems because it starts raining and replenishing the land. Despereaux hearing that the princess is in trouble knows he must rescue her, so he runs to the coliseum where all the rats are about to feast on the princess. Roscuro has a change of heart and decides to help Despereaux save the princess. Despereaux then release the cat which makes most of the rats run away but a few still stay. Then the sun comes out which apparently harms the rats (LOTR rip off alert!!!). So Despereaux saves the princess and the laws that outlaw soup and rats are off and they all live happily ever after.

In conclusion this movie seems to be more about soup then bravery. The book was better but this is still an enjoyable and beautiful film.

I Give it 3 ½ 5 stars

The Flight before Christmas Review

Remember Christmas specials; Frosty the snowman, Rudolph to Red nosed reindeer, Santa Claus is coming to town, all good specials. Did you know that Christmas specials can actually suck too? If you say no then you haven’t watched the just released for TV Christmas special “The Flight before Christmas”. I’ve just watched this the other day and I have to say that the only reason to ever watch this special is to mock it.

The show is about a little reindeer named Niko who wants to learn how to fly. Apparently his dad is one of Santa’s flying forces A.K.A. reindeer and he wants to find him. He lives with his mother and a flying squirrel voiced by Norm McDonald. The first problem with this special is that they give minimal back story to our characters, sure we know about Niko having a deadbeat dad that delivers present to all children except his own but we never find out why he’s hanging out with a flying squirrel. Also aren’t flying squirrels supposed to live in Asia or South America? Not the North Pole!





Back to the story; Niko decides that he shouldn’t try to fly with all the reindeer watching him, so he decides to go to the outskirts of the valley where the other reindeer never go because it’s too dangerous. Not only does he go but he takes his girlfriend with him. Sounds like Simba and Nala from Lion King to me. Meanwhile there’s a pack of wolves living in a cave. The wolves are starving because they can’t find any deer to eat. Now the leader of the pack is one of the most clichéd villains I’ve ever seen. He’s a wolf, raspy voiced and has red eyes. The pack leader sends two of his pack members to find food and of course they run into our protagonist. The pack members chase Niko, his girlfriend and Norm McDonald until they finally lose them. Niko goes and tells his girlfriend’s dad about it and the herd asks if they followed them here. Niko says no and is wrong. The wolves chase after the herd and Niko’s girlfriend’s dad is apparently Super Elk because he was able to knock down a tree which causes an avalanche. But unfortunately he is injured. “MUFASA!!!! I mean NIKO’S GIRLFRIEND’S DAD!!!” Sorry about that but I can’t help but to notice the content they ripped off from the Lion King.

Now the herd has to move on and is of course pissed at Niko. Niko feeling the animosity towards him decides to go off to Santa’s workshop and find his father. Norm McDonald tags along. Meanwhile a poodle wanders into the lair of the wolf pack. The wolves are about to eat her but she says that if they eat her Santa would put them on the naughty list. Just then the Flying Forces fly though their lair just to assholes. The pack leader suddenly has an idea. His pack should go and eat the Flying Forces and the wolves would then take their powers and be able to fly too. What are they, Sylar? On Niko’s journey they come across a weasel hanging upside down. The weasel is voiced by some R&B singer which foreshadows an R&B song coming up later in the show. They then break the branch that the weasel was stuck on. The weasel says that now she has to tag along and save their lives to repay them. Then the wolves come and give chase to Niko. Apparently these are the slowest wolves in the world seeing how they couldn’t catch up with a baby deer. Alas poor Niko gets cornered and the wolves are about to eat him but then R&B weasel causes an avalanche and our heroes escape.

The journey continues where they are almost at Santa’s workshop but come across a cave. R&B weasel tells our heroes that Santa’s workshop is on the other side of that cave but nobody goes into that cave and comes out ALIVE, sounds Christmassy. So our heroes go into the cave and come out the other side with little to no trouble. The wolves on the other hand go into the cave but get trapped. Now at Santa’s workshop Niko meets the Flying Forces so they go inside to get some drinks. Here R&B weasel sings a song that has a tune completely ripped off of the Christmas song Santa Baby

After this rendition the Flying Forces decide to test if Niko is really one of their sons, so they make him jump off a cliff to see if he could fly. Yeah, that’s very mature and responsible. The way they fly is that they run through the air without fear, funny I thought all you needed to fly was a happy thought and some pixie dust. On the test Niko jumps but fails, luckily the reindeer aren’t completely jerks and saves him.

Meanwhile at the cave, the pack leader has found a way out of the cave by howling so the glass that’s blocking their way shatters. The wolves then charge in going after the Flying Forces. The Flying Forces don’t fly because they are too scared of the wolves. The wolves are chasing around the Flying Forces and during all this; Santa and the elves aren’t anywhere to be seen. Somehow a psychic that knows when kids are sleeping or playing in Uganda, doesn’t notice the commotion in his own backyard. Anyway the leader of the pack mad at Niko gives chase. So Niko goes up a tree, the pack leader then extends his retracted claws to climb up a tree. Wait a minute, this goes against Biology; Reindeer don’t climb tree, Wolves don’t have retractable claws and don’t climb trees. Mountain lions have retractable claws and climb trees, in fact that’s what they should’ve been mountain lions. Mountain lions would’ve been less clichéd.

Soon Niko reaches the top of the tree and is cornered by the pack leader; suddenly R&B weasel stabs one of the reindeer in the butt. This forces the reindeer to fly fast into the pack leader and Niko. High in the air Niko and the pack leader falls hundreds of feet in the air, but Niko learned how to fly and flew away while the pack leader falls to his death. Merry Christmas everyone! Anyway Niko got accepted into the Flying Forces so Norm McDonald goes away to tell Niko’s mom. Santa finally shows up and we learn that Niko’s dad was Prancer the one that was the same color as him. However, we learn that Prancer is a complete dead beat so Niko returns to his herd. Niko says that he went looking for his father but he realized he’s been with his real father all along; Norm McDonald. Oh my gosh, he’s half squirrel?! (Note: I know that he meant sentimentally but what kid would get that?) In conclusion this is one of the worst Christmas specials I have ever seen.

I give it 1 ½ out of 5 stars.

Transporter 3 Review

"Warning to avoid spoilers go to the bottom of this post to see what I rated it"

I've never been a fan of the Transporter franchise and this movie got bad reviews. The only reason I saw this was the whole "there's nothing else out" scenario.

The movie starts with Frank Martin the transporter out in his home and then a car crashes through his wall. It's one of his friends that he recommended for a job. Apparently his friend was suppose to transport the daughter of a powerful politician so the politician would have to sign a bill that would let boats of toxic waste through to their country.So the friend gets taken in an ambulance and then the ambulance blows up. Frank Martin is then knocked out and captured by the bad guys. The main villain (whose name I forgot) forces Frank to take up the job of transporting the girl to wherever they need to transport her. They also put a bracelet on Frank and the girl. What the bracelet does is if you get far enough away from the car the bracelet explodes ( it's like house arrest but deadly). So Frank and the girl are on the road trip (The girl does have a name but she only said it once and it was something very complicated and foreign), the girl's main job is to withhold the plot and talk about her favorite dinner. While on the road trip Frank decides to take a detour to a friend that would remove the explosive bracelet. The bad guys unfortunately find out that he went on a detour and they find him at the friend's shop. There Frank fights 8 men and doesn't even get hurt, maybe they would have a chance of beating him if they didn't go on attacking one at a time. I mean are they really just standing there and after he defeats one of them another one say " okay Joel just went it's your turn Bob". That right there is one of the most overused action movie cliched ever. Another cliche used in the scene is the big guy. Yes that's right after Frank beat up 8 men then a really big guy where the worst dialogue in the entire movie is said:

Frank: "are you the smart one?"
Big Guy: " No I'm the the big one"

Come on there's so many other things that could be said such as:

Frank: "are you the smart one?"
Big Guy: "yes"

Or

Frank: " here comes the big one"
Big Guy: " can somebody describe something about me other then my size for once?"

You could have even used the same dialogue but some expression would have made it better.

Frank: " are you the smart one?"
Big Guy (annoyed): " no I'm the big one"

Anyway Frank of course beats the big one, but his friend is unable to take off the bracelet making this scene just an excuse for an action sequence. One road trip and a couple action sequences later they're finally at their destination. Here they have the final battle on a train and of course Frank is able to defeat the villain and get the girl. Why in these brainless action films the main villain takes longer to defeat then his henchmen?

In conclusion it's another brainless action movie, I think two is enough for this month. It is actually a little better then suspected but I'll probably end up forgetting this film sometime soon making it not stand out whatsoever. I'll give it:

1 1/2 out of 5.

I'm just waiting for a good movie to come out soon.

Twilight Review

"Warning to avoid spoilers go to the bottom of this post just to read what I rated it"

Twilight is based on one of the most popular books around called Twilight ( of course). I've read the book and I thought it was just adequate. It was highly addicting but with a handful of problems. My feelings are mutual on the movie even though it was enjoyable but it had it share of problems.

Now Twilight is about the romance between a girl name Bella and a Vampire named Edward. The movie does share some of the problems with the book but it had some problems of it's own. Like in the book I don't like how they kill Vampire; according to Twilight the only way to kill a vampire is tear them up into pieces and set the pieces on fire. Why make the way to kill vampire something so complicated, graphic and stupid. Another problem that the movie shares with the book is that Edward seems so stalkerish. I mean Edward watches Bella when she sleeps and she doesn't even know he was there, now that's creepy.

The movie as I said earlier does have some problems of its own. If you watch this movie you'll probably laugh a couple of times. Some of these times you'll laugh are intentional but some of them are unintentional. Like at the end where Bella is being hunted down by a bad vampire and the bad vampire injects venom into Bella so Edward has to suck it out. Now this was suppose to be a dramatic serious scene but the facial expression Edward made during this scene made me impossible to keep a strait face. There's another scene where Edward is driving past Billy ( A native American from a tribe that turns into Werewolves) and Billy gives him a look of disgust, well he tries to give him a look of disgust what he really gives him is a look that looks like a toddler about to throw a temper tantrum. Actually there is something else wrong with this scene that a lot of people probably didn't notice. Let me explain it to you; Edward is driving down on the left side of the road in an American car so he's on the right side of his car, Chief Billy is driving on the right side of the road also in a American so he's on the left side of this car and they meet eye to eye. The problem here is that the fact that Chief Billy is in a wheelchair. So he couldn't have driven making this scene therefore impossible, I can't believe I was able to catch this continuity and as I said before I'm probably one of the few who noticed this.

Now what a lot of people complain about in this movie is the actress who played Bella. Now I didn't really mind her but I did mind some of the other people's acting such as the actor who played Charlie. It was funny when Bella had to leave her father and she had to say mean things to him so she can get away with Edward to escape the bad Vampire named James. When Bella gets in the car she says that she was hurt by the look of Charlie's face, you mean the same facial expression he had the entire film. Now I just have to talk about the final fight scene. Just as I said there's a vampire named James who wants to suck Bella's blood so he confronts her and starts attacking her until Edward comes and saves her. This isn't how it happened in the book, in the book James knocks Bella out then Edward comes in and has his brothers Jasper and Emmet take James in the other room and kill him; how anti climatic. In the movie Edward was able to pin James down and then Edward's coven comes in and starts a fire where they kill James. Even though it was a big improvement it still seems not that heroic and seems like a gang of bullies beating up one guy (even though James sort of deserved it). Now I know I talked about this earlier but I can't stretch it enough the way they kill vampires in Twilight is stupid. I mean the first thing they do to James is they rip off his head and throw it in the fire. Now that should of just killed him and all they had to do was to throw the rest of the body in the fire, but no they continue to tear him to pieces. You know the way to kill a vampire should have been decapitation, fire or both not this crap.

Even though I complained about this film a lot it was still an enjoyable film, the editing was good and it was shot in a nice stylish way. Also it was a lot better then most of the films targeted towards teenage girls. I liked that they didn't succumbed to what's supposedly hip and have awful songs done by artists that got their start from Disney. I even liked the movie a little better then the book so I give this movie:

2 out of 5 stars

Quantum of Solace Review

"Warning to avoid spoilers go to the bottom of this post and read what I rated the film"

Two years ago we were treated to a great 5 star worthy film called "Casino Royale" the latest movie in the James Bond franchise. Casino Royale was just great; it had great story, great action and great editing. Quantum of Solace is the direct sequel to this film and does it live up to it. I have to say....no. It was an inferior film. This film is about James Bond going to avenge his lover in Casino Royale. He soon learns that the it was done by a huge environmental organization ( she must have littered). This results in countless action scenes, these scene are not a cool as the ones in Casino Royale but they're still pretty cool.

Now let's talk about what are the weaknesses of this film. The story in this film is not even as good as the one of its predecessor which was expected. But I didn't expect the parts of unoriginality in this film. The most obvious one is when Bond discovers one of his Bond Girls laid dead across the bed covered in oil; like we never seen a bond girl dead across a bed being drenched in a valuable resource (If you don't know what I mean then watch Goldfinger). The less obvious one was when Bond had a bad guy on the edge of a building and the bad guy attacks bond but ends up falling off. That was already done in "The Spy Who Loved Me". Now another thing that bothered me was the fact that Bond went to so many different places. In the first ten minutes he went to about 6 places. That wouldn't of bothered me except it made the story just tear itself into pieces. The movie ends as expected where Bond defeats the bad guy and saves the day, After he does this he does his famous scene where you're looking down a barrel of a gun and Bond comes in and shoots at you and then blood pours down from the screen. When this happened I couldn't help but to think "you're two hours late moron".

Even though the film had it share of problems it was still satisfying and the editing was still great. Overall this film is just an brainless action Bond film with not much story to it, but because it was made in the same style as Casino Royale it is better then most of the other brainless action Bond Films. So I give it:

2 out of 5 stars

Welcome to Sabertooth Reviews

Hello the Mellow Filmaker here, just introducing you to my new blog called Sabertooth Reviews. Now as a person I'm mellow in everything except entertainment. Yes this blog is a critic blog where I review movies, make top 13 lists and even rant about a genre that seems to be the latest craze. To start off this blog I'm going to review the last two movies I've seen; Quantum of Solace and Twilight.