Movies of Next Month: February 2009

I’m going to take a break from the Sabertooth Awards to tell you about a new Sabertooth Reviews series called Movies of Next Month. What I do is at the end of the month I show all the big movies that will come out that month and if I think it’ll be good or not. I already did something like this in my list of the 7 least anticipated films of 08 but I decided that there are so many films that are going to be bad that I decided to do this every month. I’ll comment on these movies in order of release date.

Push (Releases 2-06-09): What I think of Push is that it’s going major crap. It looks like a bad version of Heroes. It also has Camilla Bell in it. Now I haven’t seen any of Camilla Bell’s films but that’s because all of them got bad reviews. Either she’s cursed or she makes bad choices on what movies she’s in. Dakota Fanning’s is in the film also. You know one thing I’ve notice is that actors in Hollywood don’t age as fast as regular people. I mean that Dakota Fanning in her teens and she could still play a little girl. Same thing with Freddy Highmore; he’s 15 but he looks 10. Is there a serum available to actors that prevent them from going through puberty? On the movie I have to say that I won’t see it.

Coraline (Releases 2-06-09): I really don’t think this film would be good. It looks like a mediocre kid’s film but it might be good. I don’t know I probably won’t see it unless it got great reviews.

He’s not that into you (Releases 2-06-09): I don’t have much opinion on this film. It looks like a typical rom-com. It didn’t look funny but it probably won’t be horrible. I most likely won’t see it.

Fanboys (Releases 2-06-09): This made my 7 most anticipated films of 08 list but back when I made the list all I knew about it is the plot. After seeing the trailer I have to say that it looks like Drillbit Taylor but with a star wars based plot. Unless it got great reviews I might pass up on this comedy.

Friday the 13th (Releases 2-13-09): A remake of a horror film. Is there any reason to see it? No.

Jonas Brother 3D concert (Releases 2-27-09): I hate the Jonas Brother’s music so I definitely won’t see this movie, no matter what.

Month Overview: Oh man will I see any new movies this month. Hope the entire year isn’t like this.

7 Best Movie Endings of 2008

A movie can be filled with great action, comedy, romance, suspense, characters, and story but sooner or later it’s going to have to end. Sometimes you can get the whole movie all planned out but you don’t know how to end it. When this happens you have to take the time to think it out because if you mess up the ending it might mess up the film. But sometimes you can get the ending just right and it will make a great film. So I’m going to list the 7 best movie endings of 2008. I’m looking for funny endings, interesting endings, and satisfying endings. So let’s being the list (obviously contains spoilers)

7. Edward actually fights James (Twilight): Sure this ending’s a bit generic and there’s even an unintentionally funny moment but this ending disserves an honorable mention because the ending in the movie is a lot better than the ending in the book. Let me explain; in the movie Edward comes in and defeats James and then saves Bella, but in the book Edward just comes in and has his brothers kill James. The ending in the book really made me angry because it was so anticlimactic so I really appreciate that they changed that for the movie.

6. He dies in the ring (The Wrestler): The Wrestler is about a down on his luck wrestler named Randy the Ram who has a very depressing life. His daughter hates him, the woman he likes won’t date him, and he even has a heart condition that prevents him from wrestling. He stops wrestling for a little bit to try to shape up his life but that ends up failing. So he decides to wrestle in the 20th anniversary of his most famous match. His heart starts going out during the match so his opponent lets him body slam him for the win. Randy crawls up on the corner post and stands tall. He’s crying and the original song by Bruce Springsteen starts playing. He jumps off the post and the screen goes black while he’s in midair and the credits start playing. We know that means his heart goes out on him. While a depressing ending it’s a very fitting ending to this film.

5. It is written (Slumdog Millionaire): Slumdog Millionaire is about a slumdog named Jamal going on Who Wants to be a Millionaire because he knows that his true love will be watching. He makes it far in the show but is arrested because he’s accused of cheating. They end up letting him back on the show with one question left. The question ends up being about the three musketeers which was referenced throughout the movie. He doesn’t know the answer so he uses his last lifeline which is phone a friend so he calls his brother but his true love picks up. It ends up she doesn’t know the answer either so Jamal just guesses. He ends up guessing right so he was right it was written. While many predicted that he would end up winning the money it was a great ending due to the build up to the moment making it a very satisfying ending.

4. I am Ironman (Ironman): Ironman is about a millionaire named Tony Stark who builds himself an iron suit. The movie comes to a close where Tony Stark’s business partner Obadiah Stane builds his own iron suit and tries to kill him. Tony Stark ends up winning which is pretty predictable but that’s not the ending I’m talking about. The ending I’m talking about is at the very end where Tony Stark is at a press conference. An organization called shield gives Tony Stark an alibi which he is suppose to tell the press. Tony Stark is about to tell the press the alibi but he instead puts the cards down and say “the truth is… I am Ironman”. This ending is great because it shows how consistent they went with Tony Stark’s character. It would’ve been so out of character for him to go with the alibi so they made the right decision with the ending.

3. He didn’t bring a gun (Gran Torino): Usually when Clint Eastwood is in a movie you would think that he ends up killing the bad guys but in Gran Torino they decided to do things differently. In Gran Torino Clint Eastwood’s character Walt Kowalski ends up confronting an Asian gang that been tormenting his neighbors. Also Walt Kowalski also has cancer so he doesn’t have long to live. The gang comes out to confront him having their guns pointed at him. Spectators come out of their houses to see what was going on. Walt first pesters the gang by pretending that his finger was a gun and using it on them. Walt then brings out a cigarette and reaches into his coat. The gang all shoot him multiple times, the movie even show that the bullets come out of his back to show he wasn’t wearing a bulletproof vest. Walt falls down and dies, the camera focuses on his hand showing that he was only getting out a lighter. The gang ends up getting arrested because they were a lot of witnesses to report their crime and it ends up Walt didn’t bring a single gun. It was his plan to get shot down.

2. Does he die? He doesn’t care (In Bruges): Now the ending of In Bruges is probably the most interesting ending of any film in this year. Let me explain; In Bruges is about a hitman named Ray who accidentally killed a little boy during his first hit. So he wants to kill himself but another hitman named Ken convinces him that his life is worth living. But their boss Harry has other ideas. Harry comes to kill Ray because of his morals. When Harry comes to kill Ray a suspenseful chase is given. Every opportunity that was foreshadowed ended up going down the toilet. Harry ends up shooting Ray but the bullets go through him and end up shooting a midget. Harry thinking he accidentally killed a little kid; shot himself, and Ray is taken into an ambulance. Ray narrates saying that a few days ago he would have welcome death but now it seems his life is at least worth something, will I live I don’t think it matters. The screen then goes black and the credits start. Does he live or die? I don’t know. That’s what makes this ending interesting.

1. I’ve got your Tivo (Tropic Thunder): since half of my list so far has been unhappy endings I decided to give the #1 spot to the funniest ending of the year which belongs to the movie Tropic Thunder. This ending needs a lot of plot explanation to make sense so I’ll try my best to explain. A director dropped a group of actors in the middle of the jungle to shoot a film. One of the actors is a washed up action star named Tugg Speedman (played by Ben Stiller) who wants to adopt a son. Tugg ends up getting captured by some drug lords. At the pot camp Tugg ends up meeting a little kid and decides to adopt him. There’s also a subplot about Tugg’s manager trying to get Tugg a Tivo. So the groups of actors rescue Tugg and then steal a helicopter, but Tugg decides to stay behind with his new son. Tugg runs to the camp and the actors are about to take off but Tugg comes running back yelling “I was wrong” his son is on his back stabbing him. Tugg throws the toddler off the bridge and gets in the Helicopter. While taking off the Drug lords come back with a rocket launcher and fires a rocket at them, but then Tugg’s manager comes out of the jungle yelling “I’ve got your Tivo”. Tugg’s manager then throws the Tivo in front of the rocket and they’re saved. This ending is a lot funnier if you actually saw it instead of reading about it.

7 Lamest Villains of 2008

In a story there’s usually a hero trying to overcome conflict which is usually provided by the villain, but what if the villain really sucks at their job and provides minimal conflict. Well for the 4th entry in the 2008’s Sabertooth Rewards I’m going to list the villains that provide minor inconveniences for the heroes and we can’t take them seriously. Before I’m going to start the list I’ll have to say that I’m not going to include intentional comedic villains unless they were unfunny. Here are the 7 lamest villains of 2008.

7. James from Twilight: Now James does have some cool things about him but he lacks motive. He says he’s trying to kill Bella for sport but it just seems like he’s doing it because he’s bored. Also the whole filming Bella while your attacking her makes me think of YouTube. I think James is just some YouTubing Vampire that is bored.

6. Mac from Indiana Jones 4: Mac starts out as Indiana Jones’ sidekick but soon works for the Russians. He then gets back with Indiana Jones but then he betrays him again. Oh my gosh the guy who was a bad guy before is a bad guy! I totally didn’t see that coming. While being predictable he also has physical faults that make us not take him seriously. Did you know that the guy who played Mac also played Beowulf? Now I know why that movie was computer generated.

5. The T-Rex from Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D: Now when you count a monster as a villain you have to take in account how well the monster was made and how cool it looks. The T-Rex from Jurassic Park a 17 year old film looked better then the T-Rex here.

4. Emperor Han from Mummy 3: When you think a villain that’s played by Jet Li then you probably think a kung fu menace. The creators of Mummy 3 went and thought “Screw the Kung Fu lets just use special effects”. Emperor Han’s back story is pretty generic; he was an emperor that was betrayed by a sorceress that made him turn into pudding. He then comes back wanting revenge. I just think that they wasted Jet Li’s kung fu talent. In fact the only cool thing Emperor Han did was pulling off part of his face and throws it (at that point he had regeneration ability and was made of stone).

3. The Wolf Pack Leader from The Flight before Christmas: if you read my review on this piece of crap Christmas special then you would know that the Wolf Pack Leader is one of the most clichéd villains ever. He’s a wolf which wolves have been used as villains since medieval times. He also has a raspy voice and red eyes. He’s so clichéd that we cannot take him seriously. But he’s very fun to make fun of.

2. The Bullies from Drillbit Taylor: If you read my list of the lamest heroes of 2008 then you would know that the nerds won the award for lamest hero of 2008. What I didn’t mention was that the bullies that picked on them are pretty lame also. First thing that’s lame about them is that they’re in this movie. Second thing about them is that they don’t look that intimidating, they look like kids that would be picked on instead of not being picked on. The third and final thing that’s lame about them is the fact that they aren’t funny. They try to be funny with samurai swords and stuff but they fail every time. Almost as dull as the movie itself the bullies put the bull in bullcrap.

1. The Army from the Incredible Hulk: Join the army! You will run after green monsters that aren’t really harming anyone unless you shoot at them. Join the army! You will shoot at this green monster even though all that does is make him angry. Join the Army! Have your butts whooped by mutated monsters. Join the army, the lame army.

7 Lamest Heroes of 2008

When watching a film or reading a book you are constantly with the protagonists following them on their adventures, but what if you don’t like the protagonist? What if he/she are dull or annoying? This happens sometimes and when this happens it might ruin the entire film. So for the 3rd part of my Sabertooth Awards I’m going to list my 7 least favorite protagonists of 2008. These protagonist make you wish that you were on the villains side. So let the list of dull or annoying heroes begin.

7. Mutt Williams from Indiana Jones 4: To be honest I didn’t hate Mutt as much as I thought I would. I expected his character to ruin the entire film but he wasn’t really that annoying, that was until he swung in trees with monkeys like freaken Tarzan.

6. Edward Cullen from Twilight: If you’re a guy that has a girlfriend that loves the Twilight series then you would know that girls just love Edward Cullen. He’s apparently their dream man and you have to compete with a fictional character. But don’t worry fellow because if you wait one day she’ll wake up and realize that Edward isn’t really that great. They say he is super romantic but he watches his girlfriend in her sleep without her knowing about it, that’s not romantic that’s creepy. He also inherits some of the stupidity from the author. Like if his eyes are different colors depending on if he ate or not then wouldn’t he just wear colored contacts so people don’t notice that his eyes are gold one day but red the next.

5. Alex O’Connell from the Mummy 3: Now I’ve never liked the character Alex O’Connell. He was annoying in the second Mummy movie and I barely tolerated Mummy the animated series in which he was the star. But I thought I didn’t like him because of the whole annoying kid factor, little did I know that he would become even less likeable when he grew up. Alex O, Connell the adult is a mummy chasing archaeologist that is a womanizer with little to no personality. The actor who played him wasn’t really good at doing his job seeing that he doesn’t sound like a kid who grew up in the early 20th century. There’s even one scene where his girlfriend’s mother dies and she’s all sad but our brilliant actor doesn’t show any emotion what so ever. I just don’t like this guy; at the end where it seems the Emperor Han killed Alex I thought ‘Yes” but when it ended up he wasn’t dead I was like “aw man”.

4. Sean Anderson/ Hannah Asgeirsson both from Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D: I had a hard time picking between Sean Anderson and Hannah Asgeirsson so I decided to go with both. Why do I not like them? Both of them are inconsistent characters. Let’s start with Sean Anderson; he’s a teenage boy who is on an adventure with his uncle. He starts out as a moody teenage jerk but then he’s a wide eyed easy going kid. Now you might be thinking that isn’t inconsistent characters but instead character development but no, next scene he’s a moody teenage jerk again and it goes on. I think that they were trying to go for rounded character but instead came out with a schizophrenic character (Wait I already used this joke). Then there’s Hannah Asgeirsson, the problem with Hannah isn’t her personality (seeing that she doesn’t have one) but her accent. She’s supposed to be Icelandic but for some reason she doesn’t have an Icelandic accent. She instead has an American/English/Scottish/Irish/Aboriginal accent.

3. Jack from Lost: up till now this seemed like a movie blog but no it’s a review blog. But Sabertooth Awards is a movie award but I decided to bend the rules just for Jack. Why, because he is the most unlikable main character in the history of television. Lost is a show with a lot of character each with their own back stories. Like there’s Sayid the Iraqi torturer who cannot be with the woman he loves because she is on the run, and there’s Sawyer the con man who on a mission to get the con man that conned his parents to kill themselves. Man those back stories are interesting and they’re not even the main character Jack is. So what’s Jack’s back story? He’s divorced and has issues with his father. Yeah, that’s not very interesting. What’s worse is that he’s the main characters so that mean he has more flashback episodes then any other character. When I say his flashbacks are boring I mean his flashbacks are boring. Another reason I hate Jack is that he’s such a jerk. Yes I know not every character in story can be nice but Jack takes the jerk trait a step too far. Always yelling, always getting in other people’s business, always being a controlling freak you have to think that everybody on the island just want to kill him. I think the only reason they keep him alive is that he’s the only doctor on the island. Which ironically he hasn’t saved any lives with his medical skills (except for Ben but Ben’s the villain). Uninteresting, Unhandy, and all around unlikable; Jack is the reason why people wanted to leave the island.

2. Ray from Hancock: Ray is a nice guy who loves to give to charity, too bad he doesn’t really have a personality to make him interesting. Let me start at the beginning where Ray is at a business conference. He’s proposing that the company gives to charity and if they do he gives them his logo as a stamp of approval. Now let’s talk about the logo; it’s the most uncreative logo I’ve ever seen; all it is is a heart with an outline of a heart over it. He’s of course rejected. He ends up meeting Hancock and decides to turn Hancock’s life around. Ray ends up getting Hancock a good reputation and Hancock ends up repaying him at the end. How Hancock repays him is that he somehow puts Ray’s logo on the moon. Ray and his family know that it’s Hancock saying thanks but everybody else thinks that it’s a sign of the apocalypse.

1. The Nerds from Drillbit Taylor: The worst movie I’ve seen from 2008 also produced the lamest protagonists from 2008. Now I know that they’re nerds so they are lame intentionally but here’s the thing they’re lame at being lame. Now that should mean that they are cool. No they’re still lame. Let me go over them one at a time. First there’s the tall one that has absolutely no personality whatsoever, there’s the chubby one that has the rapper name G-Dog (most generic rapper name ever). And then there’s the short one who’s so nerdy that I’m embarrassed that he and I share one of the same hobbies. Sure they don’t sound that bad but while watching this film I don’t find myself rooting for these guys but instead hating them.

7 Best Villains of 2008

I went over the best heroes of 2008 and I’ve said the hero is the backbone of a good movie. But I might want to take that back because most of the time what makes a movie interesting isn’t the hero but the villain. These are the villains that you love to hate. They mess with the heroes, commit mass murder, or make other people do it. Here are the 7 best villains of 2008.

7. King Miraz from Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian: Miraz is one of the many villains inspired by the king from Hamlet. He doesn’t really bring anything new but he’s still pretty intimidating; killing everything that is magical or mythical. I also like his name; I’ll probably use it as a last name for one of my characters.

6. Prince Nuada from Hellboy 2: Again this villain isn’t really original; bias against humans is something we’ve seen many times. But he makes the list off of sheer force. If you want to know what I mean then just imagine Legalos, except insane.

5. Obadiah Stane from Ironman: Like Miraz his character and motive are inspired by the king from Hamlet. He makes the list higher than Miraz for two reasons; 1: he’s actually in a good movie, 2: he deals under the table with terrorist and ends up building himself an iron suit.

4. Tai Lung from Kung Fu Panda: Tai Lung is a really cool villain on kid movie standards. His motive is power like most other villains but how he tries to get it is pretty cool. If you watch the scene where he escapes from prison then you know what I’m talking about. Also unlike most villains you actually see what he looks like when he was a child. It actually makes you feel a little bad for him when he gets blown up at the end because you know that he was actually once cute and innocent.

3. Salim from Slumdog Millionaire: In Slumdog Millionaire it seems that everybody in India was evil but the one person that’s the hate able was no other then Jamal’s brother Salim. Salim is one selfish person not being generous to anyone. Even when he was a kid he was a jerk. One thing that I noticed about Salim was that when he does something to redeem his character he then does something that makes us hate him twice as much. He saves his brother from the evil orphanage owner, he then lets go of Jamal’s girlfriend on purpose leaving her behind, he shoots the evil orphanage owner to help Jamal save his girlfriend, he then kicks Jamal out. He would’ve made it higher on the list but he ends up sort of redeeming himself at the end. Sort of

2. Harry from In Bruges: Harry is a little bit insane. He’s a hit man who actually has morals to him. Harry wants to kill the main character Ray because Ray accidentally shot a little boy. They make an effort to show that Harry isn’t all bad he’s just a little crazy. He even sticks to his morals by killing himself when he thought he killed a little boy (he actually killed a midget).

1. The Joker from the Dark Knight: Now this is a very predictable choice but the Joker is just a great villain. He messes with people and tries to make people do horrible things. What’s so great about the Joker is with his outside of the box schemes that he thinks up. He’s always one step ahead of the cops and Batman. The Joker pretty much makes this movie. Without the Joker the Dark Knight isn’t that good. The late Heath Ledger’s performance was fantastic, give him the Oscar.

7 Best Heroes of 2008

What makes a hero? Is it the amount of ass you kick? Is it how noble you are? Or is it a combination of both? Heroes are the backbone of a good action film or any film in that matter. I’m going to list my 7 favorite protagonists from the films of 2008. Why 7? Because I just feel like going with a lucky number. Here you go.

7. Despereaux from Tales of Despereaux: While Despereaux may be little and a bit clichéd he gets credit for embodying the old fashion hero. He’s noble, Brave, and would anything to save his princess. While being little he always takes his challenges head on.

6. James Bond from Quantum of Solace (and a whole lot of other films): Even though his latest flick was disappointing he still gets credit for past works like Casino Royale. Sure he has a problem with killing the people he fights but he got over that. He was determined to get the culprits behind Vesper’s death. Unfortunately I don’t think the story’s concluded. There are still loose ends that need to be tied up. Let’s just hope that his next film is better.

5. Ken from In Bruges: While not the main protagonist of In Bruges he was the bigger hero. The main character Ray is a depressed hit man who accidentally killed a kid and wants to kill himself, but Ken won’t let him. Ken has even been hired to kill Ray but he won’t do it because he thinks Ray has potential for a good life. He’ll even throw himself off a building to warn Ray that he’s in danger. Now that’s a friend.

4. Batman from The Dark Knight: I don’t need to explain why Batman made the list.

3. Walt Kowalski from Gran Torino: Walt Kowalski is a racist, grumpy, old man and we like him for it. He develops a friendship with his Asian neighbors even though his has a prejudice against Asians. But soon his neighbors are taunted by a gang of Asian thugs. I just have to say that I really don’t want to be that gang of thugs.

2. Jamal from Slumdog Millionaire: Jamal doesn’t kick any ass and probably doesn’t have any fighting skills what so ever. Then why did he make it on the list or at least why did he make it in front of action stars like Batman and James Bond. But he doesn’t have to be cool to be a hero. Sometimes all you need is determination and heart, and Jamal has both of those. Despite bad things happening to him he never turns to evil. He’ll go through anything to find his true love even look down the barrel of a gun.

1. Tony Stark from Ironman: I had a hard time deciding between the noblest hero and the coolest hero and since I’m a guy I went with the coolest hero which is Tony Stark. This guy is both rough and funny at the same time. He’s a weapons designer who gets kidnapped by a terrorist group to make a Jericho Missile. He instead builds himself an iron suit and kicks their ass. Tony Stark is cool because he has a funny well rounded personality while at the same time saving people who actually need saving. While Spiderman is stopping some guy from stealing a lady’s purse Ironman is saving a village from genocide.

Sabertooth Awards

Since they recently announced the Oscar nominees I’ve decide to hold an award of my own. From here to the Oscars I’ll be posting best of lists that are of my personal favorites or lest favorites. I’ll be posting the top 7 heroes, top 7 villains, 7 least favorite heroes, 7 lamest villains, 7 best endings, 7 worst endings, and 13 what the hell moments of 2008. I’ll start with post the lists of top 7 heroes and villains.